Johan Barnard said the death of his two young sons, just hours apart on the same day, has left him devastated, so much so that for the past five nights he has cried himself to sleep.
“This is a pain I never knew a person could feel,” a weeping Barnard told IOL on Monday, speaking for the first time about the deaths of eight-year-old Dean and two-week-old LJ.
Both boys, who were born with Shone’s complex — a rare heart condition — were admitted to hospital last week with a lung infection.
And though the 37-year-old stayed by their bedside in hospital and prayed over and over for them to pull through, his “klein bulletjies” died on Thursday.
“It still needs to sink in,” the distraught father, of Krugersdorp, said.
“For all we know, this is what the Father wanted, because He gave them to us for a time, the biggest gift I could ever ask for, and now He has taken them back.
“LJ had just come into the world and had already crept into my heart and that of his mother, my wife Liesel, while Dean was a busy little boy who was always smiling from ear to ear.”
Those memories of Dean as a happy, lively child were also shared by teachers and classmates at Ebenaezer Primary School.
They described him as a boy who was always smiling, always friendly, and full of energy.
“He was a precious boy, friend and learner who will always be remembered for his kindness, beautiful smile and special spirit,” the school said.
“Deepest condolences go to his family, friends, teachers and all who had the privilege of knowing and loving him.”
One of his teachers, Chantel Labuschagne, said: “He was always friendly and had a smile on his face.
“He was definitely a lively little boy who kept us on our toes.”
Dean’s mother, Jackie Duvenage, described him simply as “a happy child” who was always smiling, even through years of illness.
“He was a happy child, always, always happy,” she told IOL.
“I don’t even know how else to explain it. He was just happy.”
Duvenage said Dean lived with a serious heart condition, and had spent long periods of his early life in hospital.
“He had a cardiac condition, a complex one,” Duvenage said.
“From when he was very small, he was in and out of hospital. He was strong… very strong.”
She said Dean had mostly been raised by his grandmother, Magda, over the past few years, while she tried to keep up with his medical needs and appointments.
Magda was too distraught too speak.
Duvenage said despite his illness, Dean lived a full, active life and never let his condition define him.
“He was very active. Very busy. Always on the move,” she said.
But above everything, she said, was his strength.
“That’s what I will always remember about him… how strong he was,” Duvenage said.
“From the day he was born, through everything he went through, he never gave up. Never.”
Barnard said the family’s nightmare began on Wednesday, when both boys fell ill and were taken to hospital after appearing “yellow-ish”.
He said baby LJ was taken first to Paardekraal Hospital in Krugersdorp, after his mother, Liesel, rushed him in when his condition suddenly worsened.
“His oxygen levels had dropped and by the time we arrived, he had already lost brain function because he had gone without oxygen for too long,” Barnard said.
“The doctors called us in and explained that they did not think he was going to make it.”
At the same time, Dean was taken to Leratong Hospital as his condition worsened at home.
Barnard said both children were admitted and placed on treatment, but their conditions continued to deteriorate through the night.
“LJ was on oxygen support,” he said.
“His oxygen levels had dropped significantly and his heart rate was very high.”
The next morning, while Barnard was on his way to visit his baby son, he received the call that LJ had died.
He said his world “caved in” in that moment.
“I just broke… I cannot even explain that feeling,” he said.
“You are on your way to your child, and then you hear he is gone.”
Barnard said he burst into tears and struggled to understand what had just happened.
“I kept thinking, no… this cannot be real,” he said.
He said at the hospital, Liesel held the baby.
“I was still in shock,” he said. “She held him there… she held our baby.”
He then drove from Paardekraal to Leratong Hospital, holding onto the hope that he would be able to take Dean home later that night or the next morning.
“I spent time there with him,” he said.
“But hospital staff said things were not looking great and later that evening, at about 8pm, the machines went haywire and we were informed he had also died.”
Barnard described Dean as a lively, loving child who was always smiling, always playing, and always full of energy.
“He was a joker,” he said.
“He loved making people laugh and we loved him dearly.
“They were two lovely little children. We were a very close family. They were very close to one another and very close to us.”
Dean, he said, who would have turned nine in November.
“He was a character on his own and both my boys were my ‘bulletjies’” Barnard said.
“I miss them and I am trying to hold it together.”
Barnard also has a 10-year-old stepdaughter who does not live with him.
Shone’s complex is a rare congenital heart condition where several defects restrict blood flow on the left side of the heart, making it harder for the heart to pump blood effectively through the body. Because the heart and lungs work closely together, the reduced blood and oxygen flow can also leave children more vulnerable to complications, including serious respiratory illnesses such as lung infections.
